(Photo pictured above is not me, but accurately depicts the me of last night.)
Yesterday was the worst day that I have had since that first evening I sat on the couch jonesing for my chocolate fix.
All day, I literally thought and dreamed of the mini-Snickers bars in the office down the hall. It was all I thought about for hours. The craving hit me, and it hit me hard.
It was Day 9, and all of the steadiness I felt from Day 8 started to waver. I started feeling self-doubt about my schoolwork and just crappy, in general. I also received a string of upsetting personal news, so that factored into my attitude. I had woken up at 6 AM to exercise, cook breakfast, and pack lunch. I was at my GA from 9-3:30, then I went to class from 4-7. During class, I ate a boiled egg that left a terrible taste in my mouth and I could just feel myself on the edge.
I returned home, and saw my husband hadn’t done every little thing I wanted him to do so I just snapped. I started blabbing about how I didn’t know how much longer we were going to do this program because I couldn’t handle the stress of it, there wasn’t even time, etc etc. I was a grump as I roasted some veggies and heated up the buffalo chicken casserole I cooked the night before.
Then…I ate.
And all was right in the world again.
HANGER.
I forget how real hanger is for me. With my day of cravings and self-criticism, the boiled egg during my class break just did not quell the hunger I felt but was burying deep along with the craving. I ate, and felt sooo much better.
We watched a couple hours of mindless television so I could just turn it all off.
One thing at a time.
It’s Day 10 and I feel a little better. Why? I had my first genuine NSV (non-scale victory).
I’m sitting at my desk and I did not need to unbutton the top button of my pants to be comfortable. This was a HUGE reason that I started the Whole30, and I feel so much better in my skin.
This reinforcement could not have come at a more perfect time.
Some days, you need an NSV to remind you of the greater purpose.
The Fit Doc Student 